The Funeral Man
Internet dating can be fun but like Russian roulette, you never know if the bullet is going to hit you or somebody else. You read about weird things, you hear about even weirder things and sometimes you watch very bad things on the news. Blind dates are exciting but dangerous. And even if you have been writing and exchanging emails with somebody that doesn’t mean that you truly know him/her. Anyway this time we will talk about a light story, one which ends well, despite all the funerals. A friend, after meeting a man on a popular matching network, decided to meet him in person. He was nice, serious, very into his bhuddist credo. He invited her for a coffee and they chatted for a while, exchanging phone numbers. After a few days they met again. This time he invited her in his house where he chanted and prayed before attempting a closer encounter with her. What happened there is not clear but after that day he turned into the "Funeral Man". Every time she was suggesting a date he had a funeral instead. The First one was his best friends dad’s funeral. The Second in the same week was his secretary’s. After a few days apparently even an old uncle died and he had to go to another State for the burial. At the beginning my friend felt very bad for him, poor guy, he knew his best friend’s dad since he was a boy, poor guy, his secretary was so young and she left two kids. At the Third Funeral she started to feel a bit weird about it, what if he had a curse on his head? We, her friends, were doubtful about the curse ( well, you never know but most of the time reality is more trivial) while we started smelling lies. The sulphureous odor of betrayal. At this point two weeks have passed and she starts to turn a bit nervous, so she asks him if he is still interested in seeing her or not. He says “of course!” , “let’s meet this Saturday”. It was Tuesday. Well, on Thursday something shocking happens, the wife of his business partner dies during the night, an aneurism killed her in a few hours despite everything done to save her. Saturday is her Funeral. The Fourth. In the movie there were Four Weddings and one Funeral. In this true story there are Four Funerals and not even one wedding. After hearing about this other tragedy my friend started screaming something unrepeatable, starting from his bloody cursed ancestors and ending with a new curse on his family for the next seven generation. He of course felt very offended and said that he never wanted to hear from her again. We never knew if Funeral man was telling the truth or not, but we tend to speculate that those were pretexts. Men, if you want to dump somebody, do it with style and let the dead rest in peace.